This article was published in a network of 40 newspapers from São Paulo and 60 others from other states
I, reasonable Fernando Jorge, will present here fourteen pieces of advice to smart pre-corpse Michel Temer, President. Yes, we are both pre-corpses, for we are both in almost identical range of advanced age. Lady Death spies on us with special attention. Suddenly, bam!, she will grab our carcase, throwing us into a grave or a crematory. Therefore, of course, I ask Michel Temer, pre-corpse colleague, the favor to accept now my advice, before acquiring the aspect of a melancholic or humorous corpse.
First advice. Remain calm, Mr. President, for having been mentioned four times in the “Lava Jato (Car Wash) Operation” investigation. Keep on firm, serene, in spite of the fact that your name appeared twenty-one times, between the years of 1996 and 1998, on the charts confiscated by the Federal Police in one of Camargo Correa (construction company) executive’s house. My pre-corpse colleague’s name always stands out in such charts, along with an amount of money that adds up over 340,000USD.
Second advice. Show nerve control, pre-corpse colleague, for Romero Jucá from PMDB (Brazilian Democratic Movement Party), Planning Minister, your right arm, one of your main articulators, responds to a criminal investigation in both “Lava Jato” and “Zelotes”.
Third advice. Smile, pre-corpse colleague, before the accusations against Henrique Eduardo Alves, also from PMDB and Minister of Turism. This affable collaborator of Your Highness, is under inquiry at “Lava Jato Operation”, authorized by the Supreme Court, in order to investigate the bribe given to his campaign, Eduardo Alves’, to the state government in Rio Grande do Norte state.
Fourth advice. Ignore, pre-corpse colleague, the accusations to Geddel Vieira Lima, also from PMDB, Chief-Minister of your government’s bureau. Look at this man’s energetic, grim face. He, according to Federal Police’s report, allowed the construction company OAS to use, in spurious way, his influence as a congressman in several public institutions.
Fifth advice. Give a lengthy hug, pre-corpse colleague, to Osmar Terra, Minister of Social and Agricultural Development, from the same PMDB, the cleanest political party in Brazil. What an insolence, the Court of Auditors of Rio Grande do Sul state dared point irregularities in Osmar’s office, both in Secretary of Health and in the City Hall of Santa Rosa, and sentenced him to pay a high fine!
Sixth advice. Mortgage sympathy, pre-corpse colleague, to Minister Blairo Maggi, of Agriculture. Blairo, of PP (Progressive Party), is a victim of two public civic accusations, for administrative improbity, both made by the Public Ministry of Mato Grosso do Sul state.
Seventh advice. Shake the honest hand, pre-corpse colleague, of your Minister Mendonça Filho, of Education and Culture, from DEM (Democrats). He was the target of the seventh phase of “Lava Jato Operation”, under the accusation of having received 250,000BRL in bribes from the construction companies Odebrecht and Queiroz Galvão.
Eigth advice. Kiss the lips, pre-corpse colleague, and cuddle lengthily, tickling the hairy armpits of Minister Gilberto Kassab, of Science, Technology, and Communications, member of PSD (Social Democrat Party). Kassab is a defendant in an action of administrative improbity. The São Paulo state Court of Law dares assert: this former mayor of the capital city of São Paulo did not stop, in a market, the charge of bribes.
Ninth advice. Pronounce a speech, pre-corpse colleague, in defense of José Serra, from PSDB (Brazilian Democrat Social Party), your Minister of Foreign Affairs, mentioned on the list of Odebrecht’s beneficiaries, violated the Municipal Organic Law when he was elected mayor in São Paulo city. He did not properly grant the pay raise to municipal public workers. During his mandate, he showed scandalous administrative improbity.
Tenth advice. Offer a cup of vitamins, pre-corpse colleague, as a gesture of admiration and friendship, to Ricardo Barros, of PP (Progressive Party), your Minister of Health. Ricardo’s name is on the Odebrecht’s list. Federal Police investigate him on three little things, only: passive corruption, embezzlement, and fraud on bidding to advertising services destined to Maringá City Hall. All favoring the company “Meta Propaganda”.
Eleventh advice. Send, pre-corpse colleague, a music CD containing songs by the accordion player Luiz Gonzaga, “King of Baião (kind of Brazilian folk music)”, to Sarney Filho, from PV (Green Party), you Minister of Environment. Little Sarney, or better, Big Sarney, had to pay a really high fine under accusation of dishonest political advertisement, a penalty determined by the Federal Public Ministry.
Twelfth advice. Give as a gift, a very expensive brand new latest design car, pre-corpse colleague, to Maurício Quintella, from PR (Party of Republic), your Minister of Transportation. Sweet creature, with his gentle eyes, Maurício, poor thing, was convicted for administrative improbity, damage to the public treasury, and unlawful enrichment. He is currently a target in the inquiry investigating embezzlement.
Thirteenth advice. Protest violently, pre-corpse colleague, against Helder Barabalho’s accusations, also from super-ethical PMDB, your Minister of National Integration. Our unfair Justice accuses him of administrative improbity during his office as a mayor in the town of Ananindeua, Pará state. According to that Justice, Helder diverted resources from SUS (Unified Health System).
Fourteenth advice. Do not hide your profound admiration, pre-corpse colleague, for Moreira Franco, from the unpolluted PMDB, your Special Investment Secretary. On 27 April-1998, the Federal Supreme Court convicted the former Rio de Janeiro state governor for harmful act against public patrimony. He used citizens’ money to print the book “Moreira Franco, ele governou para todos” (Moreira Franco, he governed for all), a volume containing 274 pages, 180 color photographs and an edition of 50 thousand units. Justice obliged him to return an amount equivalent to 150 thousand US dollars, for noncompliance to the Article 37 of the State Constitution, which forbids self-promotion of the administrator in publicity of actions and public works.
Finally, I, writer Fernando Jorge, modest pre-corpse, enthusiastically greet pre-corpse Michel Temer for the fortunate, really clever choice of his ministers. Congratulations, president, thousands of congratulations to you! What a fair, sensate, insightful, spirit of your highness’! And note, I am moved, a warm, candid, and luminous tear drop slides down my pale patriotic pre-corpse’s face…
Writer and journalist, member of the Ethic Council of Journalists’ Labor Union of São Paulo State since 2004, Fernando Jorge is the author of the books O Aleijadinho -seven editions; Lutero e a Igreja do Pecado (Luther and the church of sin)-eight editions; Vida e Poesia de Olavo Bilac (Olavo Bilac – Life and Poetry)-seven editions; Vida, obra e época de Paulo Setúbal (Paulo Setúbal-Life, Works, and Time)-four editions; As lutas, a glória e o martírio de Santos Dumont (Santos Dumont – Fight, glory, and martyrdom)-seven editions; Cale a boca, jornalista! (Shut up, journalist!) -six editions; Drummond e o elefante Geraldão (Drummond and Elephant Geraldão)-four editions; Água da Fonte (Water from the spring)-eight editions; Pena de morte – sim ou não? (Death Penalty, yes or no?)-eight editions; As sandálias de Cristo (Christ’s sandals)-ten editions; Vida e obra do plagiário Paulo Francis (Life and Works of plagiarist Paulo Francis)-four editions; Se não fosse o Brasil, Jamais Barack Obama teria nascido (Without Brazil, Barack Obama would never have been born)-six editions.
Fernando Jorge has a degree in Library Science by São Paulo University (USP); he was the head of Technical Division of São Paulo State Legislative Assembly Library. He was granted Clio Award, by São Paulo City History Academy; Jabuti Award (best biographer) by Brazilian Chamber of Books; the diploma and celebratory medallion of the centennial of Santos Dumont birthday, granted by High Degree Committee of the Air Force Ministry Executive Secretary (for being the greatest Santos Dumont’s biographer).